“Have you ever walked away from a conversation without saying what you truly want or what truly is on your mind? If so, you are not alone; sometimes highly intelligent people also avoid difficult conversations- you may wonder why? Do they not know what to say? The simple answer to this is ‘NO’; they walk away not because they do not know what to say, but because psychology makes these moments feel more difficult and threatening than they actually are.
Difficult Conversations: What Are They??
Broadly, a difficult conversation is one an individual avoids or finds hard to talk about. They involve sensitive, emotional, or challenging topics. We often think What if I say this? Will the person misunderstand me? Will there be a disagreement or conflict? These thoughts keep going on and on during a difficult conversation.
Whether it’s giving honest feedback, addressing conflict, setting boundaries or expressing disappointment, difficult conversations can trigger fears of rejection, confrontation or damaging valued relationships.
Some examples of difficult conversations include addressing broken trust or unmet expectations, talking about mental health and emotions or ending a relationship or friendship.
Why Do Even The Smartest People Avoid Conversations They Know They Need To Have??
Intelligence does not make people immune to fear or emotional discomfort. Smart people often are seen as having perfectionism which burdens them to want the conversation to go smoothly rather than being uncertain and risking mistakes. They keep overthinking what the ‘perfect’ words to use in the conversation, should I say this particular dialogue or should I wait for the perfect time and place to bring up this conversation? These thoughts push them away from having a difficult conversation.
The biggest problem smart people face is the ‘fear of rejection’; they may feel a trigger of anxiety, guilt or embarrassment, which pushes them away from having a difficult conversation to reduce these uncomfortable feelings.
They also avoid conversations because of Fear of losing relationships or opportunities, fear of hurting others and overall emotional discomfort.
What Is The Psychology Behind This Avoidance??
Avoiding difficult conversations is a natural psychological response to emotionally threatening stressors. Even when there is no physical danger, the brain can interpret conflict, criticism or rejection as a threat.
In psychology, difficult conversations can trigger the brain's ‘Fight-or-Flight’ response, in which the individual may face the conversation or run away from it to avoid emotional discomfort.
Another example is using avoidance as a coping mechanism; the individual may not want to feel guilt, lose a relationship, or experience emotional discomfort, so they avoid these conversations.
Should We Keep Avoiding These Conversations??
The definite answer is ‘NO’, but let’s understand why.
Avoiding difficult conversations will push us to avoid our feelings and what we really want to say. If we don't say what's on our mind, we may keep overthinking it or stress ourselves by wondering why we didn’t say it when we had the chance.
We may also let someone walk away with a misunderstanding about us, which can end relationships and friendships.
The solution is to face the problem and have an honest conversation instead of avoiding it. Honest conversation helps us build trust and confidence; we can also see growth the moment we choose courage over comfort and avoidance.
How Can We Handle These Difficult Conversations? Tips For Everyday Use.
Questions To Ask When You Find Yourself Avoiding Difficult Conversations:
So, What’s One Difficult Conversation You’re Ready To Have Today?
© Soul Compass – Powered by Kefitup